Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
