Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
