Are we in a gay sports bar?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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