Don't make out with my wife yet
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
