We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
