i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Randomize
