"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Randomize
