I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
