the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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