Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
