i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
