You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
