I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
We left the knife in your bed.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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