her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
