I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
