I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
you didnt know i had herpes?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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