his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I need water and some morals
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
