just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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