A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize