evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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