fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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