Who did Billy Mays play for?
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
