so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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