do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
