i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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