I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
