I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize