Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
