OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
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