fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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