Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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