Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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