I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
