Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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