I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
