I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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