He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
