Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
