I like my sex mixed with concussions.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
