put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
