It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
