i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I pour the whiskey from now on
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
