Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
