the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize