He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
