I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
