I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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