Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
