Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
