Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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