just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
