As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
