Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Randomize
