No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
