May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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