So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
4 words: hood of his car
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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