I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
You know, be my cock's hype man.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
