Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
