I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
