I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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