So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
