her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
