he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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