That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Randomize
