I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
