Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
