then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
