What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
