Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
