Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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