her vagine was all disorganized.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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