I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize