why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
