im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
