yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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