I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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