Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize