I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
