It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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