Is it because I queefed?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
