Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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