i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I think I have vodka in my lungs
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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