How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
